I’ve been making many changes as of late. For those that are my friends or follow my Facebook status updates may already know some of them. It seems lately like my life has been a never-ending series of changes. It of course all started when my marriage ended a little over two years ago.
Since then it always felt like things were forced. I tried to completely move on from my past and start completely fresh. I bought all new furniture, got new clothes, moved out of the burbs and into the uptown area. I even switched departments at work. You would think with all that change that it would be easy to just put things behind me and move on. Unfortunately that has not been the case. I just never felt like me. In the back of my mind I could tell I wasn’t happy. For the most part I could just slap on a smile or push it to the back of my mind, but more times than not it would always resurface. I knew things had to change in order for me to get out of my funk, but I wasn’t sure how exactly to go about it since all the other changes didn’t do the trick.
Then I had last year which just seemed like a total waste of a year. It was the first time in my life I felt like I stood still or even took a step backwards in everything. I wasn’t happy at my job, sports no longer provided me an escape from reality, most of the girls I let into my life were meaningless and I didn’t feel any connections with them, and nothing seemed to bring me joy.
So this year I made it a point to at least keep busy, go out more, and try new things. I thought maybe this could help jumpstart the much-needed changes in my life. At first it also felt forced. It felt like it was just another way for me to try to hide my unhappiness. As the year has gone on though I started to make more and more changes that felt more natural. The changes seemed to come in the flow of progressions in my life.
I have moved back to a house in the burbs where I feel more comfortable and have more room. I switched jobs to one that feels more like me. I think it will work out well because it will give me an opportunity to keep up with new technologies and leaves plenty of room to be innovative. I’m not saddled down in the corporate environment that is behind the times. The last area that I felt needed change was in the romance department.
I’ve always been horrible with letting women I like take advantage of my nature to be very generous and it seemed those were the type of women I attracted. I’m a very low maintenance guy. I don’t really ask for much in a relationship and I’m old fashion where I like to open doors, pay for dates, and take care of the one I like. I do all this and really don’t ask for anything in return. I’m usually just happy to spend time with them. I’ve come to realize that this is completely unhealthy for me because relationships, even just dating, should be equal. It should be a give and take and if you never ask for anything from the other person it is hard to know if they are willing to give. So that is the last big change I think I need to make in my life to maybe truly find happiness.
I’ve starting doing this by being more upfront and making decisions not to continue to let people like that into my life. Also I’m trying to limit my interaction with people who are that type. I also feel I have started to let people who will be good for me into my life. I feel the walls I’ve built around my heart starting to come down so I think I maybe ready for more meaningful relationships.
With all these changes and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I feel I’m getting closer to the happiness I’ve been missing. I’m not there yet as I still have my moments where I feel down, but they are less frequent than in the past. Whether good things or bad things come from all these changes, I feel the changes themselves will help me find happiness.